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Got a lot to answer for…
So much of what happens to us in childhood informs the adult we become; it is a cycle that, for better or for worse – and without insight, can go on endlessly. The effects of nurture far exceeding the effects of nature. But, for sure – and no matter what, we know that although there are no magic wands to make life turn out right, it is better to take on, and quietly face and reflect on those demons and difficulties of life. And, especially, try to understand empathically – find compassion even, rather than just being angry and resentful, what made our parents the way they were – and our grandparents before them (ie gaining insight), can definitely help pour oil on troubled waters, no matter how stormy the prevalent conditions.
Irrespective of age, the theme of childhood is ever-present. The feeling of a good and steady versus traumatic childhood – simply what each of us is rooted in. Could our mental health be rooted here too? Doubtless the experts will have a view!
I have always considered I had a brilliant childhood. And, rooted as it was in ‘things’ theatrical – magical actually. (If you think classical Victorian Christmas card, you won’t be far out. But if you read ‘My story’ that follows a bit later on you can fill in the details).
The thing is, though, I don’t suppose I questioned much about growing up – does anyone? Why would you? I knew my parents were decent, middle class people and that we lived as part of an unusual extended family in a big old detached Victorian house (with a theatre in the basement built by my grandfather!) in suburban South London. I guess I knew too that my father had a good job, that we were comfortably off and that I never wanted for anything – except the things my parents felt were unreasonable – such as dogs and horses!
I was also only vaguely – but disinterested-ly, aware of my parents’ own life stories. I knew how much my father had been affected by the death of his sister when she was only 7 years old. I was also aware of how deeply the divorce of his parents had impacted on him – how he idolised his father (who died before I was born) and detested his mother – who he visited once a year (clearly an obligation) just to parade me. I became increasingly aware too – because it increasingly impacted on my own life, just how desperate my father was to have a son to carry on the family name.
My mother too, I knew, still grieved the death of her high-flying brother in a skiing accident when he was only in his twenties. I came to know later that she’d had an abortion because she’d “got pregnant the first time” and because my Father had had to go off to war. I knew also that she’d almost died having me and that she’d continued to have miscarriages – clearly trying to provide my father with the ‘son and heir’ he so desperately craved.
But, somehow, my knowledge of these events in my parents lives didn’t seem to have much relevance to me…just so much ‘wallpaper’ from lives past; shadows on the wall that I was barely aware of and that were almost never ever discussed.
The whole point of ‘A Cautionary Tale – Childhood’s got a lot to answer for…’ (and that includes ‘take 9 lives, at least…’) is to take a look at life – your life, holistically – stand back, think about the environment you were born into – your parents, your grandparents (as far back as you are able) and see what insight you can objectively – and compassionately, get about how the past might have impacted on your life. Then, taking these insights – together with a more pragmatic audit of your own life (see the ‘Living well’ section of our website) – the practicalities of what you eat, whether you exercise, how you sleep and the infinite facets of mental health, bring all the Personal Responsibility you can gather together and see how you can make the most – the very very best, of the one life you have in every way.
I’ll go first…
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