tara
Tara Tries To Make The Most Of It
I’m sure that like myself, a lot of people find that their work takes up a lot of their time and that more often than
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Tara was the last person to come and work for Myni & Bob at Bridle ways – she is ace with horses, and more than anyone, she ‘got’ the essence of horses helping people helping horses that was Bridle Ways’s philosophy. Tara has stayed in continuous contact with them in the knowledge that they hoped to carry forwards the Bridle ways wisdom. And she now joins in ‘take 9 lives – at least…’ – to share her own story, and also to continue to help Myni & Bob and to use her considerable humour and writing skills.
I was born in Oldham in February 1983. I put in an early appearance, having not been scheduled to arrive until mid-April. I think I have been late for everything ever since. I was my parents’ first child and they should’ve quit whilst they were ahead but they insisted in bringing my brother, Declan into this world just under five years later, much to my disgust- I’d have rather had a cat.
My Dad is a Mancunian and my Mum is from Warrenpoint, Northern Ireland. She came to England to study and become a teacher, and remained there until 2016 when she returned to Warrenpoint with her current husband. My Dad has also remarried and currently lives in West Yorkshire with his wife, Mary, dog Henry and my half-sister, Sarah.
Although I was born two months premature, weighing 3lbs 14oz, I was a healthy baby and subsequently a hail and hearty child. I always enjoyed the company of adults over that of my peers and was perhaps somewhat aloof, often shunning group events and activities in favour of spending time alone, with my head in a book, curled up with my beloved cat. I loved reading from an early age and had a vivid imagination so was soon writing my own tales and spinning yarns. (I once convinced a nursery teacher that we had a house full of cats at home and regaled her with stories of their antics and my Mum’s ‘magic sponge’ for cleaning up after little accidents. I was eventually caught out when the nursery teacher was talking to my Mum one day and asked how the cats’ house training was going. We did not have any cats at that time, apart from my many stuffed toys.)
I have always had a strong dislike of children, probably rooted since the appearance of my brother just before I turned 5. I resented his intrusion into my life and found nothing endearing in this puking, mewling, wailing fat lump of human flesh. I have to confess, whilst I get along reasonably well with my brother now(he’s 29 and bigger than me so best to have him on side), my feelings toward human babies remain the same and I am very happy to be child-free.
I have always been an animal lover, cats being my favourite as a child and through my love of reading, and my Dad’s following of horse-racing, I began to discover horsy books and the next enduring passion began. I learned to ride at my local riding school and started to help out there at weekends. I remember at one point deciding that I would become the first woman to win the Grand National but that ambition has now faded! I did however spend several years working within the horseracing industry both in the UK and Eire and had the pleasure of riding and handling some top quality horses and attending all the premier race meetings.
Upon my return from Ireland, I ran a riding school in Manchester for a while before deciding to try working outside of the equestrian industry for a while. I suppose I didn’t stray too far as my first non-horsy employment was as a cashier in a betting office. This meant that I was still able to keep up with all the horseracing news but from the other side of the fence.
I began to feel unwell towards the end of 2007. I was permanently tired, constantly thirsty, eating and drinking lots but losing weight. I had double vision at one point and I went to my doctor who told me to go for an eye test. The eye test results were perfect, no problem but when I explained to the optician that I could see two of everything, he suggested another visit to the doctor. My doctor at the time was not particularly interested or helpful but he did say he would refer me to the eye hospital. I never received an appointment.
The symptoms mentioned above are classic and obvious signs of Type 1 diabetes but at that time I knew nothing about diabetes and as I am also a chocoholic, I thought that if I had diabetes I’d have known about it by now and would have become terribly ill a long time ago. There isn’t really much history of Type 1 or Type2 diabetes in my family, one of my Irish cousins is Type 1 but that’s all. I am the sort of person who only usually goes to the doctor when I am on my knees and, after the attitude of my doctor the last time, I was not keen to go back again. My Dad’s wife, Mary, persuaded me to make an appointment in spring 2008 as I was clearly not my usual self. I was still hungry all the time and drinking copious amounts- I could down a litre of water and still be thirsty. I was also so very tired but having trouble sleeping. I would finally nod off late at night, only to wake up after an hour or so, either desperately thirsty or desperate to go to the toilet. I had a full time job at the bookies and also had my horse to look after and the strain was taking its toll.
My next doctor’s appointment was not an improvement on the last. I listed all my symptoms and his immediate reaction was to prescribe me with anti-depressants and sleeping pills. I know lots of people who have been prescribed antidepressants at various stages in their lives and each one of them had a blood or urine test done first to make sure that there were no underlying health issues. I was not offered any such luxury. The doctor could have taken a urine sample or blood sample there and then and I would’ve been diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes before I left the building, saving me the hardship and near death experience which was to follow.
I duly took the anti-depressants and sleeping pills prescribed by my GP but did not feel any better for it. I took him at his word and thought that perhaps I was depressed- I felt truly awful and could not see a solution. I thought that I perhaps needed a change of scenery and when a position came up at a Thoroughbred stable yard in Surrey, I took it, despite being terribly reluctant to move away and leave my family and friends yet again.
The move to Surrey was both good and bad but it enabled me to get my finances back on track and I had saved up enough money for a decent holiday. I flew to Goa, India at the end of November 2008 and it was very nearly the last journey I ever made. I had been looking forward to the holiday for ages, I had never been somewhere as far flung as India and was hoping to immerse myself in a different culture.
The ten hour flight felt like two days. I was thirsty and up and down to the toilet almost every hour, probably to the great annoyance of the other passengers. The heat hit me as I stepped off the plane and I could only take shallow breaths of air, I knew this was not normal but I battled on, not wanting to draw attention to myself or make a fuss. A few days into the holiday my condition deteriorated and my friend called for a doctor. He sent me to a nearby facility, I was drifting in and out of consciousness so remember little of it, except for the blazing heat and the brightness of everything.I thought that I was going to die and I didn’t have the strength or enthusiasm to do anything about it. I do recall Type 1 diabetes being mentioned but later that day I was sent back to the hotel. I remember being determined to have a shower, but being unable to stand so I simply collapsed on the floor under the shower for a while. My friend helped me into bed and later that evening she heard me make a strange noise and when she looked over at me, the whites of my eyes had turned pink and I was falling into a coma. The next thing I remember is waking up in hospital three days later.
The immediate aftermath was immensely difficult to deal with. My life had somehow been saved but it had changed forever and I had to learn how to take care of myself and this unwanted, lifelong condition. I had lots of complications following the coma and the whole of 2009 was a write-off. For a long time I actually wished that my life hadn’t been saved, as my new reality was unbearable. I was in and out of hospital, at times unable to stand up straight and had to travel by wheelchair, when, just a few short months ago I had been running a stable yard. It was incomprehensible to me. I also developed neuropathy in my legs- I have never known pain like it,(and I have broken several bones-in my arm, leg and back) I can only describe it as being like the worst toothache imaginable but in your legs. My weight plummeted to 7st 10lbs, and, at 5ft 8ins I looked like an anorexic heroin addict.
The specialists and consultants were at a loss to explain what was happening to me and why and I was losing hope and the will to live. I can’t quite remember what the turning point was but by mid 2009 I was starting to get back on track. It took a long time for me to build up my strength and longer still for me to get my confidence back but I gradually got there. I did not have good control of my diabetes for the first few years, I did not understand what I should be doing nor did I understand how everything seems to affect my sugar levels. Eventually I was well enough to work again and I returned to Surrey in order to earn enough money to pay off the debt that had been mounting up while I was incapacitated. I had been too ill to work for some time and also too ill to look after my horse. I had to pay the livery yard to do so but once I was able to function again, I packed my bags, loaded up a horsebox and headed down to Surrey with my mare, Liberty and my beloved cat, Oliver. I lived in Surrey for four years and met Nick there at the end of 2010. I moved to Cornwall with him in 2014.
I would like to be able to say that I have left the world, or at least a small part of it, in a better state than I found it.
I believe that a little kindness and a drop of humour go a long way.
Also, be nice to cats. Always.
Actually, for me, it’s really all about the cats……
The first year here was rocky, Nick and I were often at loggerheads and I struggled to find regular work in the early days. After a few months, I found two jobs and also set up my own small business. Things were looking up. In March 2015 I plucked up the courage to end my relationship with Nick – a mutually agreeable decision – and began a relationship with his best friend, whom I am much more suited to. We have been together ever since and Daniel’s influence helps me to want to be the best that I can be, for him, for me, for us and to make the most out of our time on this planet and hopefully leave it a better place in some small way.
I have educated myself about Type 1 diabetes and try to keep up to date with any developments or breakthroughs. I hope that my story will give people the strength to speak up for themselves and make sure that their GPs take them seriously. I also hope that it will show people that you can come back from the brink and be much better for it. My life is more complete now than it ever has been – in spite of diabetes. I do still have wobbly moments, every now and then the reality hits that I would not be alive if I stopped sticking needles in my arm every day. I dearly wish that I had not been burdened with what is at best a nuisance and at worst a killer but I will do my best to make the most of what I have and keep on keeping on. I would be happy to become involved with newly diagnosed Type 1 ‘s and show them that a normal and full life is possible.
These diet/lifestyle choices have helped me to maintain a healthy weight,
keep my blood glucose levels within an acceptable range and make the most of life.
… and on the wild side
Dip your toes in the ocean!
Enjoy the sunshine!
Feel the rain on your skin!
Jump in the puddles!
Kick up the autumn leaves!
Embrace the windswept look on a blustery day!
Find a hobby that you really enjoy.
Learn something new- we should keep an open mind and continue to learn throughout life.
All of the above help to make me feel truly vital and alive.
Be kind whenever possible but do not suffer fools gladly.
Life isn’t a competition and we are all on a slightly different path. I do not compare my lot to that of others. I do not give a tinker’s cuss about society’s expectations nor do I judge myself according to anyone else’s standards. We are all doing our best, there is no guide book and hopefully we will learn from our mistakes and have a few tales to tell.
I’m sure that like myself, a lot of people find that their work takes up a lot of their time and that more often than
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